i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize