I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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