Plan B is the new Plan A
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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