I bet he comes in French.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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