At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
