I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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