Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
