He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
