Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
