Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
