The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize