I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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