you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
