Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
