Me too!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
