Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
