I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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