This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
