I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
