I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
