Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
