my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
