I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
worst night to have a conscience
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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