my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize