Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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