I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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