the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
