Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
