I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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