i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
