At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
