laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
