you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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