i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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