There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize