i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
