Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
