the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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