its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
