So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
