guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize