I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
