After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
