haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
