Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
