Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize