Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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