Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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