I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
