my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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