the condom got lost in my hair
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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