Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
