Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize