Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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