I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
