Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
