All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
