that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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