just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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