she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
