I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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