I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
