yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
