Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
